How to Help a Friend
If you know someone in an abusive relationship, you can help. Here are some ways to support a friend or family member being affected by domestic violence:
Do's
- DO tell them it is not their fault. You can never make someone else hurt you.
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DO tell her they do not deserve it. No one ever deserves to be hurt.
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DO tell her your friend they are not crazy. A person who has been abused often feels upset, depressed, confused, and scared. Let them know that these are normal feelings to have.
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DO listen. Let your friend express all their fears and other feelings.
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DO tell them good things about themselves. Let them know you think she is smart, strong and brave. Their abuser may be tearing down her self-esteem.
- DO encourage them to build a wide support system. Help find a support group or encourage them talk to friends and family.
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DO try and help your friend break out of the isolation the abuser has put them in. Keep in contact with them on the phone or by going out with them.
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DO see if they needs medical attention. Your friend may not realize the extent of their injuries.
- DO ask her about their children. Encourage them to talk about the effects this is having on them. Validate those concerns.
- DO give good information about abuse. Give the DVSAS hotline number.
- DO be patient. Self-empowerment may take longer than you want. Go at the victims pace, not yours.
Don'ts
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DON'T try to pretend that the abuse isn't happening or that it isn't that bad. Let your friend / neighbor know that you take it very seriously; pretending it's no big deal doesn't make it go away.
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DON'T blame or attack the abuser. Bad-mouthing the abuser may make the victim feel responsible for defending him / her.
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DON'T spread gossip. On top of breaking their trust, it could put them in danger.
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DON'T try to make your friend do anything they don't want to. It won't work unless it's their decision.
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DON'T blame a victim for the abuse or for their decisions. Leaving an abusive relationship is hard and usually takes a long time.
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DON'T give up. Let your friend know you will always be there for them when they may need help or just needs someone to talk to.
